Inside These Padded Walls

I have added four new poems. Please click the link below to get to the corresponding page.

<<Heartbreak, Rainbows, and Fears>>

Simply Aubrey Pt. 3

Salim continued. “Phillip was dating a girl named Brittney Cooper when we lived together. She called me this morning.” He paused and inhaled deeply. “She had to identify his body last night.” Another pause. “He overdosed a few days ago in a rundown motel.”

            Aubrey did not know what to say. She sat there in silence while her mind raced wild. She couldn’t possibly fathom the way her husband felt. She had siblings but they were alive and well. Without another thought, Aubrey gently grabbed her husband’s head and placed it against her chest. Her fingers gracefully ran through his soft curls as he cried into the towel still surrounding her bare body. They didn’t speak a word as Salim cried and his wife rubbed his back. Finally, Aubrey lifted his face and wiped the tears from his cheeks with her nimble fingers. She looked into his eyes and whispered. “It’s going to be okay, love. It hurts now, but your brother is at peace. No more drugs. No more pain.” She kissed his forehead and lips softly.

            Salim nodded. His wife always knew when to speak, and what to say when necessary. She was right. But his spirit was being torn apart by regret. He should have been there for his brother during his time of need. He should not have died alone in some filthy motel bed. The last words he spoke to his brother had been replaying in his head since the news escaped Brittney’s lips. He had been so cruel to Phillip. Now, it was time to plan his funeral. Salim was the only family he had left. Mama had passed away years ago, and no one knew who Phillip’s father was because she never told. This was definitely an unexpected expense, but money was the least of his concerns. He wanted his only brother to forgive him. It was far too late for that.

Aubrey stood. She knew when her husband needed to be alone with his thoughts. Arrangements needed to be made. First, she was going to get out of this damp towel. She kissed his forehead and walked to their dresser. She needed to put on something quick. She would make her husband lunch and a pot of tea. Phone calls needed to be made. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. Visitors were bound to come. She dropped her towel onto the floor and began to apply lotion to her dry skin. Before she could slip on her panties, she felt her husband standing behind her. His warm breath tickled the back of her moist neck.  Salim turned her around and fell to his knees. He pulled her body towards him gently and buried his face in her stomach and wrapped his arms around her waist. Aubrey froze. The only thing she could do was run her fingers through his hair as he cried like a newborn baby. Once he had stopped, Salim looked up at his wife with reddened eyes. Aubrey wiped his face with her palms, and stared at him. The bond they had was one of a kind. If her love was in despair, it was her duty to make sure she made that come to an end quickly. Aubrey loved her husband dearly and hated to see him distraught. After awhile, he stood to his feet and kissed her. She kissed him back completely exposed; towel and underwear on the floor. Salim admired her body for a moment as if he had never seen it before, and then laid Aubrey across their bed. Before she knew it his clothes were off. He covered every inch of her body with butterfly kisses. Chills ran up and down her spine, and she tried to control her body from jerking and shaking but was unsuccessful. His strong hands grabbed her waist to keep his love from moving away from his exploring tongue. Moans escaped her vocal cords. Just when Aubrey thought she was going to explode he entered her swiftly, but gently. She arched her back and allowed him to give her all of him. Her attempts to muffle her screams by biting her tongue failed. She grabbed a handful of sheets tightly to keep her sanity. That didn’t work either. Finally, he flipped her over on her stomach and she clenched her teeth on a nearby pillow. His wife could hold it back no longer. She screamed the loudest scream ever and her body quivered. Salim soon after collapsed on her back. He moved her long hair and kissed her back as he tried to catch his breath. Aubrey faintly smiled. She was exhausted but indeed satisfied.

She exited their bed and took another shower. Aubrey quietly laughed as she attempted to get dressed again. Hopefully, her husband would leave her alone this time. After successfully getting dressed and doing her hair, she headed to the kitchen to make her husband something to eat and a pot of hot tea. Of course, the situation with his brother was still on her mind. But if they were both emotional wrecks nothing would get accomplished. She made a few calls to family members and advised them not to come until later that night. Some of his family was not as cooperative. His aunt, Benita Jones, would be there in two hours. Aubrey yelled up the stairs and told her husband to get in the shower. Benita and Aubrey got along. She was just a stubborn woman, and ever since Salim’s mother had passed she had been a tidbit overprotective. But she showed Aubrey respect as Salim’s wife.

Salim pulled a shirt over his head. He didn’t know what had come over him. But as he watched his wife standing in their bedroom naked rubbing sweet smelling lotions on her soft skin, he wanted her. He wanted to release his frustration. Salim smirked. What better way was there? Thoughts of his brother still lingered in his mind. He probably would never forgive himself for kicking Phillip out into the cold, lonely streets. Salim’s heart hurt. What was done is done. He joined Aubrey in their eat-in kitchen. She placed a chicken salad sandwich in front of her husband. She asked if he wanted chips or salad. He declined both. He honestly wasn’t hungry but he knew his wife would fuss until he ate something.

The doorbell rang.

Aubrey looked at the oversized clock on their kitchen wall and frowned. Aunt Benita shouldn’t be here yet. Salim said nothing as he ate his sandwich. She wiped her hands on a dish towel and walked towards the door. Truth be told, Aubrey was displeased that someone would come over unannounced especially at a time like this. Aubrey threw the door open to find a petite woman standing in front of her. She was extremely small and her eyes were sunken. She looked nervous and bowed her head. Aubrey assumed the woman was probably one of Phillip’s drug addict friends. The question that baffled her more was who the little boy was standing with her.

Simply Aubrey Pt. 2

The phone rang over and over and over. No answer. Aubrey’s face twisted into a grimace. Where the hell was her damn husband? She let his outgoing voicemail play but did not intend to leave a message. What did she need to leave a message for? Caller I.D. had been invented years ago. He knew who was calling him. His wife of three years. Supposedly, the love of his life. Aubrey stormed out of their bedroom and headed back to the den that also served as their office. She attempted to calm herself down. There had to be an explanation, she rationalized with herself. The possibly of him being hurt came to mind and hit her heart. Sit down and breathe, she told herself. Her mind was spinning. Numerous scenarios raced through her thoughts. It was too early for such drama. After twenty minutes and ten unanswered phone calls to Salim, Aubrey convinced herself that her husband was okay and he had somehow misplaced his phone. He would be home soon and explain the entire situation to her. A distraction was necessary. The clock read close to eleven. Maybe a good movie was on Lifetime. Aubrey shook her head. It would be just her luck it would be a movie about an unfaithful man playing. Or maybe an unexplained disappearance that was found to be a murder. There were ungraded test papers that needed to be attended to, but she knew her focus wasn’t there. A long, heavy sigh escaped her full lips. How did her world get flipped upside down in a matter of minutes? Aubrey opened her eyes and realized she had been on her couch doing some type of crazed breathing exercise. No. She was not going to lose her mind over an unanswered phone call. Well, it had actually been about fifteen unanswered outgoing calls to her husband. Finally, her concern converted into anger. Oh, Salim was going to get an earful when he returned home. That was it. Aubrey stood from the edge of the couch and headed back to their bedroom. Her mind had been made up. She was going to shower, get dressed, and do something. She just hadn’t decided what exactly that was going to be.

            The water was steaming hot. At first, it stung. Just as the thought of Salim committing adultery had. The sound of the water and the thick mist it created calmed her shaken nerves. Aubrey washed herself until her fingers and toes wrinkled up like raisins. She turned the water off and exited the tub. She wrapped herself in an oversized towel and entered her bedroom. And there he was. Salim was sitting on the edge of the bed they shared with his face in his palms. Aubrey hesitated. What was should she do now? Curse him out for not answering her calls and having her scared? Or ask him what the other woman’s name was? No. Neither was the correct answer. She could tell by the slump in his shoulders that something was not right. Aubrey approached her husband slowly and called his name.

            He looked up. He didn’t know what pained him more; the situation he had just endured or the look on his wife’s face. Salim watched silently as Aubrey walked towards him with tears welling in her eyes. He never intended to worry his love. He had felt his phone vibrate every time she had called, and it took every ounce of his being not to answer. The fact of the matter was he had kept a secret from Aubrey since they had begun dating. Well, she never asked so he never told. Technically, did that classify as a secret, let alone a lie? All of that did not matter. The woman that he adored was standing in front of him smelling of scented soaps covered in a towel. If he didn’t have so much on his mind he would have taken that beautiful woman right then and there. The thoughts of making love to his wife were interrupted by Aubrey’s soft voice. She was standing right in front of him with a genuine look of confusion.

            Honestly, Aubrey was lost. How was she supposed to feel when her husband, who had just been missing in action thirty minutes ago, was in front of her with a demeanor of hurt and fatigue? She touched his cheek and looked him in his eyes. Answers were necessary. Right now. Salim didn’t move her soft hand. Truth be told, it was exactly what he needed. He placed his hand on hers and motioned for her to sit beside him. At that very moment her heart dropped. Aubrey’s emotions were on a wild rollercoaster and she desperately wanted that ride to end. Still wrapped in a towel, she sat beside her love.

            “Baby, stop looking like that.”

            Aubrey’s face jerked back as if she had been slapped. “What am I supposed to look like, Salim?”

            He sighed. His wife was right. “I know you want to know where I’ve been.” He began to speak but he wouldn’t look her in her eyes. “I have a half-brother by my mother. She was young and she gave him up for adoption.” He stopped to keep his emotions under control. His mother had passed away six years ago from breast cancer. The wound had yet to heal completely. He took a deep breath. “I met him after Mama died. His name is Phillip.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me about him?” Aubrey interrupted him. She was confused beyond measure, but she knew there was more. The way her husband’s shoulders slumped as if the world were sitting upon them was a giveaway.

            “I didn’t know.” Salim bowed his head. “I didn’t know. Phil told me he was out of work and needed some help, so I let him stay with me. This was way before you and I met. It worked out for a few months. It was perfect. I finally had the brother I never knew I had.” Another heavy sigh. “Things started to come up missing. At first it was little things. Then the grill, the microwave…well the day the gold watch Mama gave me for my graduation came up missing, I knew what was up. Phil was strung out on heroin. We had a huge fight and I kicked him out. Told him I never wanted to see him again.”

     Aubrey sat in silence. She was trying to make sense of it all, but it was too much at once. The least that she understood was why Salim was upset. She could sort of wrap her mind around his reasoning for not telling her about his estranged half-brother. But what did Phil have to do with her husband not answering his phone this morning?

Simply Aubrey Pt. 1

He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her face to his. He wrapped his lips around hers and kissed her. Aubrey tried to fight him but she weakened and kissed him back. She felt herself unbuckle his pants, but she did not stop herself. Salim hurriedly unbuttoned her shirt, and she pulled his shirt over his head. She wanted to fight him, but she also wanted him. As they fell onto the couch, she slapped him hard. He hesitated for a moment and then pulled her closer to him. Closer to his manhood. She gasped as he entered her hard and fast. Aubrey couldn’t remember whether she had locked the front door but that did not matter. The man that she loved and searched for so desperately was shifting his love in and out of her quivering love pool. She sunk her fingernails into the flesh of his back pulling him deeper. Deeper into the pool. She wanted him to drown in it. As his body began to tremble, she felt a tingling sensation race up her spine and her back arched. Her breath stuck in her throat and she held to him tightly. He lay still on her breasts that were still wrapped in her lace bra. Her legs twitched and shook as she tried to catch her breath. She had just made love to a man that had left her and returned without a warning. She tried to piece together how she should feel, but the good feeling racing through her bloodstream from the sex wouldn’t let her. Aubrey decided to relax her mind and enjoy the time that Salim expected to stay. She let her fingertips walk up and down his bare and moist back. He gently kissed her shoulder and neck. She had not felt this way in months. She no longer felt alone. This tall, chocolate-covered man loved her. His breathing became steady and he slightly snored. She smiled at the realization that he was asleep. She stared at the ceiling and let out a sigh of relief. She closed her eyes and relaxed.

           

            But that wasn’t the beginning.

This love affair began on a cloudy day in April years ago. Aubrey Toussaint lay in her bed covered in pillows and soft linens and daydreamed about the day she had met her husband Salim Toussaint. She smiled as she reminisced how nervous they had been on their first date. Now, she lay in their bed alone. He was gone. Aubrey sighed. He had been working longer hours at his job at the community center he owned. She grabbed his pillow and pressed it against her face. She inhaled his scent. It had been a long time since they had spent time together. He never made it home in time for dinner anymore, and he was long gone before she awoke in the morning. All she was left with was a pot of cold coffee. She tossed the pillow to the side and stretched. She loved her husband more than the air she breathed and she couldn’t imagine life without him. She just wished their relationship was like it was when they were just dating; exciting, fun, and fulfilling. Aubrey was younger then. But her looks hadn’t faded. She was a tall, slender woman with dark hair that flowed to the middle of her back. Freckles covered her nose and upper cheeks. Her dark eyes were bold and stunning. Salim had once told her that that feature alone had made him fall in love with her. Salim was a handsome man. He had played football in college and was a regular at the local gym. Aubrey loved when he embraced her with his strong arms. She always rested her head on his brawny chest and became lost in his heartbeat. They were perfect together. They made each other laugh with ease, and they had a love for giving back to their community. Aubrey was a teacher at an elementary school in the neighborhood. They both loved children although they had none of their own. Due to a mishap during an abortion Aubrey had when she was younger, she couldn’t bear children. The moment that the fertility doctor announced that fact to the hopeful couple their world crashed. Curses bounced off the walls for weeks because of their dismay. They weren’t angry at each other. They were upset at the cards they had been dealt. The arguments, the breaking of dishes, and the tears lasted until they were exhausted. Aubrey and Salim realized they were fighting over something that neither one was at fault of.

Aubrey checked her cell phone. She had no missed calls or messages. She sighed looked around their spacious bedroom. They were not rich but they brought enough income home to be comfortable. They purchased their home two years after the nuptials. Aubrey lifted herself from the bed and slipped on her slippers. It was Saturday. She didn’t know whether her husband was at the gym or at the center. She shrugged. She had stopped worrying herself about his whereabouts months ago. She almost didn’t care. Truth was if she ever found out he was unfaithful, she wouldn’t be a law-abiding citizen. Aubrey walked into the kitchen and found a half eaten bagel and a pot of lukewarm coffee. She wondered what he had decided to wear today. She imagined him in a fitted t-shirt and jeans. It was the weekend so she knew he would be casual. She picked up the half eaten bagel and took a bite. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and headed to their den. The thought of cold coffee wasn’t appetizing.  The blinds were still closed so she knew he hadn’t come into that room that morning.  As she walked towards the windows to open the blinds, she noticed Salim’s briefcase was in the same spot he had left it last night. He never went to the center without it. Aubrey frowned. Maybe he was at the gym. She glanced at her watch. It was after ten. Salim didn’t like crowds of people and preferred to work out alone. He wouldn’t be there this late. Just to feed her curiosity she went back to their bedroom. She opened their closet doors and found his gym bag. Aubrey frowned again. Where the hell was her husband? Aubrey took another bite of the bagel. She picked up her phone and dialed his number.

Inside These Padded Walls

I have finally decided to take that great leap, and share with the public the poetry hidden in dozens of composition books and loose papers for years. Some of the poems I will post no one has read other than me. My stories are fictional and sometimes loosely based upon my life, but my poetry is the lining of my spirit. Each and every piece I read over evoked some type of emotion from me, and I remembered the exact moment I wrote it, and the reason as to why I wrote it. That being said; I am extremely sensitive when it comes to them, so be gentle with your comments. Although, I firmly believe I am my biggest critic, and I probably underestimate my talent, I’m still defensive. It is what it is. I have included a small explanation before each one to give you a little taste of what I was going through at that timeframe. Click the link below and it will take you to the page containing my poetry.

<<Welcome to Heartache, Rainbows, and Fears>>

In The Meantime...

I love to write. No. I love to put my feelings and thoughts into words. I used to sit around and just think of new ways to put my heart on paper. I became a walking dictionary. I love it. I guess that’s what passion feels like...

I know you all have been wondering: so that’s it? No. I have been working diligently all week, and I will be making major additions to this site on Sunday. I intend to post some of my poetry as well. Well, just a chosen few. And yes, the next segment of Simply Aubrey will be posted. Follow me on twitter @msjilltheauthor and I will see you back here on Sunday. *muah*

The Beginning..

Welcome to my blog: By Miss Jill. I will be posting my work for you all to see here. Also, I have a drama series named SIMPLY AUBREY that I will be updating every Sunday. Stay tuned as the drama unfolds..